Women as Infants, Children and Daughters

Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious Qur’an concerning the necessity and importance of the preservation and care of new born children, the very first right of the child:

 “And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely, such a killing is a great sin.” [17:31]

Islam requires parents to give their children beautiful names, take proper care of them, take care of all their needs, provide for them reasonably in accordance with the parent’s income, and ensure a decent, respected and honorable life for them.

And the authentic prophetic tradition says:

“Verily Allah has prohibited for you to be disobedient and ungrateful to your mothers… or to bury your daughters alive…” [Bukhari #1407 & Muslim #593]

Thus they have the right of blood money if killed, as it is reported by Aishah:

“Two women from Huthail tribe fought and one threw a stone and killed the other and that which was in her womb, the relatives of the killer and the relatives of the victim submitted their case to the Prophet () who judged that the Diya (blood money) for the fetus was a male or female slave, and the Diya (blood money) of the woman (ie. 100 she-camels) was to be paid by her clansmen.” [Bukhari #3512 & Muslim #1681]

Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious Qur’an:

“Mothers shall nurse their children for two whole years, for those parents who desire to complete the term of suckling, and the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis.” [2:233]

Care and guardianship of children is the most important right after the right of (milk) nursing by the mother. The mother is entitled to the custody of the child, son or daughter at the early stage of life, between the ages of one and thirteen or fourteen. This applies particularly in cases of divorce due to essential differences between parents. Islam entitles the mother to her child’s custody during early childhood because she, generally, is more caring and attentive to the child’s needs. ‘Abd Allah bin Amr related that a woman came to the Prophet complaining about her husband saying:

“My womb held my baby as a fetus, my breast nursed the baby as an infant, and my lap carried the child for a long time. Now the father divorced me and he wants to rip the baby away from me!” He said: “You deserve the child’s custody more as long as you do not remarry.” [Abu Dawood #2276 & others]

Parents are obligated to treat all their children mercifully and with compassion. Abu Hurairah reported:

The Messenger of Allah kissed Hasan ibn Ali (his grandson) in the presence of Aqra’ ibn Habis at-Tameemi who said, “I have ten children and I never kissed any of them.” Upon that he looked at him and replied: “Whoever does not have mercy will not receive mercy.” [Bukhari #5651]

Islamic law stipulates that parents must care and pay attention to their children, especially girls for their special needs.

 The Prophet also said:

“Whoever supports two girls till they attain maturity, he and I will come on the Day of Resurrection like this.” The Messenger of Allah () then joined his fingers to illustrate this. [Muslim #2631]

Islamic laws and teachings mandate that parents raise their children with the best manners and offer them a sound, beneficial and healthy education. The Prophet of Allah said:

“It is enough sin for a person to neglect those for whose care he is responsible.” [Muslim #996]

 Ibn Umar (4) reported that the Messenger of Allah said:

“Each one of you is a guardian and each one of you is responsible for those under his care. A ruler is a guardian and is responsible for his citizens. A man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is a guardian in her husband’s home and is responsible for whatever is under her care. A servant is a guardian of his master’s wealth and is responsible for whatever is under his care. Each one of you is a guardian and each one of you is responsible for whatever is under his care.” [Bukhari#853 & Muslim #1829]

 Islam commands justice in all matters and this general ruling is applied to all children regardless of their sexes. Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious Qur’an:

“Verily Allah enjoins justice and the doing of good, and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbids all shameful deeds, wickedness, and injustice and oppression. He admonishes you that you may take heed.” [16:90]

 Aishah, the Prophet’s wife and the mother of the believers said:

“A poor woman came to my door carrying two little girls. I offered them three dates (i.e. since I had nothing else). She gave each of her two girls a date, and lifted the third one to her mouth to eat. Both her daughters urged her to feed them more, so she split the last date into two pieces and gave one half to each of her two daughters. I admired what the woman had done and told the story to the Prophet of Allah who said upon hearing it: “Verily Allah obligated paradise for her due to this act of hers” or “liberated her from the Hellfire due to this act of hers”.” [Muslim #2630]

And in another authentic narration he said at the end:

“He who is involved (in the responsibility) of (bringing up) daughters, and he accords benevolent treatment towards them, there would be protection for him against Hell-Fire.” [Bukhari #1352 & Muslim #2629]

Islam calls for material and emotional justice and fair treatment from both parents to their children, regardless of their sexes. A male child is not to be given special preference over a female child, or vice versa.

The Prophet of Allah said to one of his companions who had given a present to only one of his children:

“Did you give all your children like this?” He said: “No.” He said: “Fear Allah and be just with all of your children.” (Muslim #1623)

Islam emphasizes the importance of taking care of orphans. Being an orphan has a great negative impact on the mental, spiritual and emotional status of a child. This state may lead an orphan to deviation or corruption at times, especially if the orphan exists in a society that does not give him due care, fulfill his needs and be kind and merciful to him.

 Islam pays special attention to the welfare of orphans, males and females alike. Islam requires that the immediate relatives of that orphan take good care of him/her. If there are no relatives, then it becomes the responsibility of the Islamic State to take care of them, manage their affairs and provide them with care.

Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious Qur’an: “As for the orphans, do not treat them with harshness.” [93:9]

 Allah, the Exalted, also states in the Glorious Qur’an:

“Verily, those who unjustly eat up the property of orphans, they eat up only a fire into their bellies, and they will be burnt in the Blazing fire!” [4:10]

The Prophet of Allah said:

 “O Allah, I declare inviolable the rights of two weak ones: the orphans and women.” [Haakim #211 & Tabarani]

Here he indicates the great sin to perpetrate any harm or injustice to these two, who, according to their natural weakness in the society, often are neglected or denied their rights.

Allah’s Prophet also said:

 “Avoid the seven cardinal sins that cause destruction.” The companions asked: “O Prophet of Allah! What are these sins?” He said: “To associate others in the worship of Allah, to practice sorcery, to kill a human soul for no just reason, to deal with interest, to devour the wealth of an orphan, to flee from the battlefield, and to accuse the innocent, chaste, believing women with adultery.” [Bukhari #2615 & Muslim #89]

Many other Prophetic statements have been reported as urging believing Muslims to sponsor orphans, take good care of them, be kind to them, and demonstrate love and affection for them. For instance he said:

“I and the guardian of an orphan are like these two in Paradise.” He then indicated with his index and middle fingers. [Bukhari #4998)

Islam cares for the welfare of those illegitimate children who, through no fault of theirs, are left without any acknowledgement from their parents. The Islamic government is required to take care of such children, exactly as any other orphan so that they may become, by the will of Allah, normal and beneficial members of the society. As the Prophet of Allah said as a general ruling of benevolence:

“…you have reward for (doing good to) every living being.” [Bukhari #2334]

 Islamic jurisprudence obligated the fathers (or guardians) to ask the opinion of the daughters when it comes to marriage, as her opinion is an essential condition for the validity of the marriage. She is free from any coercion, and may accept the person or reject a proposal.

 The Prophet of Allah said:

“A divorced or widow should not be married without her permission and a virgin girl must not enter wedlock until she approves.” They asked: “And how does she approve O Messenger of Allah?” He said: “She stays quiet (i.e. out of shyness but doesn’t indicate disapproval).” [Bukhari #4843]

Imam Ahmad and others report that ‘Aishah (4) said: A woman came to Allah’s Prophet and said:

“O, Prophet of Allah! My father offered me in marriage to his nephew to elevate his social status.” Allah’s Prophet returned the matter to her hands, to accept and approve the marriage or to reject. The woman said:

 “I approve now of what my father has done, but I wanted to teach other women that their fathers have no right in this (to force them to marry whoever they want).” [Ahmad #25027]

 This is because daughters are precious, as the Messenger of Allah said in a verified tradition:

“Do not force the daughters and girls for they are precious and delightful companions.” [Ahmad #17411 and verified]

Power of Guardianship in the Marriage Contract

In Islamic jurisprudence one requirement for a sound marriage is the total agreement of the woman concerned.

The Prophet of Allah said:

“An ‘ayyim’ (a divorcee or a widow) must not be wedded unless she is asked, and gives her approval. And a virgin must not be wedded unless she gives her permission.” It was asked: “O messenger of Allah, how can we know her permission?” He said: “If she remains silent (from shyness).” [ Bukhari #4843 & Muslim #1419]

If a woman is coerced into accepting an undesired marriage, she is entitled to present her case before a Muslim judge to seek annulment. A woman by the name of al-Khansa bint Khadam, who had been previously married (and was now divorced or widowed), came complaining to the Messenger of Allah that her father had forced her to marry a person she despised. He disapproved and invalidated it.⁵ (⁵ Reported by Bukhari #6546.)

Another requirement is that she does not give herself in marriage to anyone without guardianship. Her father, or in case he is not alive, her grandfather, paternal uncle, brother or even her mature son, or the ruler of the State, must act as her guardian in this affair to assure her rights are protected and to sign the marriage contract along with her signature. His role is to make sure that the groom is sincere and of standard, that she has a proper dowry, and that two witnesses testify to the contract which she willfully accepts. All these measures are to protect her rights and the sanctity of marriage.

The Messenger of Allah made this perfectly clear when he said:

“There is no marriage except with a guardian.” [Abu Dawood #2058 and verified]

And in another version:

“There is no marriage except with a guardian, and the ruler is the guardian for those who have no guardian.” [Ahmad #2260 & Ibn Maajah #1889 and verified]

Therefore, if she elopes and marries herself, this marriage is considered unlawful, as the Prophet declared:

 “Any woman who marries without the consent of her guardian, then her marriage is invalid, then her marriage is invalid, then her marriage is invalid. If (the man) has had intercourse with her then she must keep the dowry (that she took from him) for his intimacy with her, and if they fall into dispute then the ruler is the guardian for those who have no guardian.” [ Abu Dawood #2083 & Tirmidhi #1102 and verified]

As mentioned above in the rights of daughters, whether a virgin or otherwise, the right of a woman is to accept or reject any marriage offer of her own free will. The institution of guardianship is only to protect her interests. The fact that the ruler or governor becomes her legal guardian to assure that all is in order and that no criminal injustice is perpetrated reinforces the sacredness of the marriage contract and the sanctity of her rights in Islam.

Since the woman remains in a position of natural weakness, Islamic jurisprudence lays down principles and laws to protect her interests and welfare and preserve her rights. The father, the mother and other concerned relatives, if need be, help select the right and most suitable husband for her, since all seek her happiness and none wish her to be victim of a failed marriage. The goal of marriage is to establish an everlasting relationship between a male and a female and a loving and beneficial home for the children, not mere gratification of certain desires. Since women are, in general, more emotional than men and more easily affected and tempted with appearances rather than the deeper realities, Islamic jurisprudence gives the right to the guardian to refuse and reject proposals if the suitor is not deemed a sound and sincere match. Male guardianship in this case is only natural given their role of authority and responsibility. Moreover, it cannot be denied that men, being of the same gender, have a better ability to perceive qualities of other men in certain areas, and are more capable of finding those characteristics of a man that suit his daughter or the woman under his responsibility of guardianship. Of course he seeks counsel of the wife and other concerned females in the process of selection of the bridegroom. If an appropriate man proposed for marriage and the guardian refused for no valid reason, then the guardianship can be contested in the court of law. The guardianship is then given to the nearest responsible male relative of the woman, or, in case she has no responsible male relatives, the Muslim Judge assumes guardianship. In the final analysis, the true measurement of a suitable match in marriage is the statement of the Prophet of Allah:

“If a person comes to you to propose a marriage and you are pleased with his religious commitment and morals, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him. For if you do not do that there will be Fitnah (great affliction) on earth, and corruption will be widespread.” [ Tirmidhi #1085 and verified]

A man with a sound and good understanding of his Islamic commitment, with good moral standards will honor his wife and dignify her, and treat her justly with decency even if he does not love her.

REFERENCE:
Book: “Women in Islam & Refutation of some common Misconceptions”
by Dr. Abdur Rahman bin Abdul Kareem Al- Sheha

Translated by: Abu Salman Deya ud-Deen Eberle.