Women as Mothers

 

Allah, the Most Beneficent, has repeatedly emphasized the right of parents in general and the mother in particular. Allah, the Exalted, states in the Qur’an:

“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him; and that you be good to your parents. If one of them or both reach old age in your life, do not say to them a word of the faintest complaint or disrespect, nor shout at them; but address them in terms of honor.” [17:23]

In this verse the right of Allah to be worshiped is placed adjacent to the right of parents, and all scholars agree that the rights of parents in Islam are greater and placed before all others except Allah.

Obedience to parents must be given priority over all others including the wife. This does not mean that the wife is to be humiliated or insulted in any matter, but only that parents should be given priority in obedience over all others on the condition that they do not disobey Allah, the Exalted, and His Prophet.

Allah’s pleasure or displeasure with man is but an indication of the pleasure of the parents with their son or daughter, as the Prophet indicated when he said:

“The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parent. The anger of the Lord lies in the anger of the parent.” [Ibn Hibban #429 & Tabrani and verified]

“Birr ul-Walidain” means being obedient, good and kind to them, pleasing them and taking care of their needs, especially in old age. Serving them is considered obligatory service and preferred over participating in the various acts of volunteer service like in some form of Jihad (i.e., striving in the cause of Allah).

‘Abd Allah ibn ‘Amr said:

 “A man came to the Prophet, wanting to do jihad. The Prophet asked, ‘Are your parents alive?’ ‘Yes,’ he replied. he said, “Then make Jihad by struggling yourself in pleasing and obeying them.”” [Bukhari #2842 & Muslim#2549]

This is also confirmed in an authentic tradition that Ibn Mas’ood narrated:

“I asked Allah’s Prophet: ‘O Prophet of Allah: What is the most beloved act in the sight of Allah?’ He said: “Offering the prayer in its proper time.” I asked: ‘What comes next, O Prophet of Allah?’ He said: “Being good, kind, respectful, obedient and caring to your parents.” I further asked: ‘What comes next, O Prophet of Allah?’ He said: “Striving in the cause of Allah.” [Bukhari #5625 & Muslim #139]

In another tradition Abd Allah bin Amr bin al-Aas narrated:

“A man came to the Messenger of Allah () and said to him: ‘O Messenger of Allah! I shall give you my pledge of allegiance to migrate and strive in the cause of Allah seeking His reward only. Upon hearing that the Prophet asked the man: “Are your parents alive?” The man said: ‘Yes, O Prophet of Allah, both of them are living.’ He said: “Do you seek the reward from Allah?” He said: ‘Yes.’ He said: “Then go back to your parents and be the best and kindest companion for them.”[Muslim #2549]

And in another authentic tradition Mu’awiyah as-Sulami said to the Messenger of Allah:

 ‘I want to go for Jihad in the way of Allah.’ The Messenger of Allah asked: “Is your mother alive?” He said: ‘Yes.’ He said: “Stay with her, for Jannah is under her feet.” [Ahmad#1557 & Nasa’e #3104 and verified]

This idiomatic expression shows the degree of deference, respect and obedience that the children should show to their mother to earn her pleasure by continuous care and service, which leads to attaining the pleasure of Allah and His Paradise, the promised reward for all rightly guided and devout believers.

Mothers have greater right and deserve more kindness, help service, good treatment and companionship than the fathers because the mother is the first one to care for the children and she suffers more directly with daily hardships in their upbringing. Bukhari and others report that Abu-Hurairah narrated:

“A man came to the Prophet () and asked him: ‘O Prophet of Allah! Who is the most deserving and worthy of my good company?’ Allah’s Prophet (#) answered: “Your mother.” The man asked: ‘Who comes next after her?’ He said: “Your mother.” The man asked again: ‘Who comes next after her?’ He said: “Your mother.” The man asked again: ‘Who comes next after her?’ He said: “Your father.” [Bukhari #5625 & Muslim#2548]

This comprehensive lesson is a summary proving that the mothers deserve the utmost in obedience, benevolence and concern throughout their lives.

 This tradition indicates that a mother has three times the rights of that of a father due to the sufferings she experiences during the various stages of her child’s life; in pregnancy, delivery, nursing, and raising the child.

 Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious Qur’an:

“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and good to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship. The duration of carrying him (in the womb) and weaning is two years. So thank Me and to your parents; unto Me is the final destination.” [31:14]

Mothers are given priority over fathers in terms of special kindness, care, duty, help, and obedience. Both parents, in accordance with Islamic teachings and principles, are to be obeyed, respected and not differed with as long as they do not command or order their children to disobey their Creator. If they order their children to perform an act of disobedience to Allah then they are to be disobeyed in that particular matter only and a son or daughter must continue to fulfill their normal duties towards parents in other matters. They are expected to serve them, help them in their worldly affairs, and come to their rescue when they need them. Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious Qur’an:

“And if parents strive with you to make you join in worship with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the worldly (affairs) kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you did throughout your life.” [31:15]

Parents must be respected, obeyed and offered financial assistance by their children, even if they have a different religion or faith, other than Islam, as long as they do not demand that their son or daughter do any act of disobedience to Allah. Asma’ binte Abu-Bakr said:

My mother, who was still a pagan, came to visit. I went to the Messenger of Allah seeking his verdict. I said, “She has come to visit and she is interested in Islam, should I maintain my relationship with her?” The Messenger of Allah said: “Yes, indeed, stay connected to your mother.” [Bukhari #2477 & Muslim #1003]

 Islam’s encouragement to sons and daughters to treat their mothers with kindness, obedience and care – and to beckon to give any possible assistance to their parents in their various daily household chores – is illustrated in the following lengthy tradition wherein Abu-Hurairah narrated that the Prophet said:

“The Prophet said, “None spoke in cradle but three: (The first was) Jesus, (the second was), there a man from Bani Israel called Juraij. While he was offering his prayers, his mother came and called him. He said (to himself), ‘Shall I answer her or keep on praying?” (He went on praying) and did not answer her, his mother said, “O Allah! Do not let him die till he sees the faces of prostitutes.” So while he was in his hermitage, a lady came and sought to seduce him, but he refused. So she went to a shepherd and presented herself to him to commit illegal sexual intercourse with her and then later she gave birth to a child and claimed that it belonged to Juraij. The people, therefore, came to him and dismantled his hermitage and expelled him out of it and abused him. Juraij performed the ablution and offered prayer, and then came to the child and said, ‘O child! Who is your father?’ The child replied, “The shepherd.’ (After hearing this) the people said, ‘We shall rebuild your hermitage of gold,’ but he said, ‘No, of nothing but mud.'(The third was the hero of the following story) A lady from Bani Israel was nursing her child at her breast when a handsome rider passed by her. She said, ‘O Allah! Make my child like him.’ On that the child left her breast, and facing the rider said, ‘O Allah! Do not make me like him.’ The child then started to suck her breast again. (Abu Huraira further said, “As if I were now looking at the Prophet sucking his finger (in way of demonstration.”) After a while the people passed by, with a lady slave and she (i.e. the child’s mother) said, ‘O Allah! Do not make my child like this (slave girl)!, On that the child left her breast and said, ‘O Allah! Make me like her.’ When she asked why, the child replied, “The rider is one of the tyrants while this slave girl is falsely accused of theft and illegal sexual intercourse!” [Bukhari #3253]

Disobeying parents, disrespecting them and failing to fulfill their rights is the greatest of sins. The punishment from Allah of this sin is not only in the hereafter but in this life as well, as it is narrated that the Messenger of Allah said:

“There is no wrong action more likely to bring punishment in this world in addition to what is stored up in the Next World than oppression and severing ties of kinship.” [Tirmidhi #2511 & Ibn Maajah #4211 and verified]

The Messenger of Allah also said:

“Allah has forbidden you: disobedience to your mothers, to withhold (what you should give), or demand (what you do not deserve), and to bury your daughters alive. And Allah dislikes idle talk, to ask too many questions (for things which will be of no benefit to one), and to waste your wealth.” [Bukhari #5630]

The Prophet illustrated that being good and kind to parents is essential in the fulfillment of the supplications and prayers of man throughout his life, as Ibn Umar reported the Prophet as saying in a lengthy tradition:

“Three men of the previous times set out on a journey. When night approached they slept in a cave at the base of a mountain. Upon entering the cave, a boulder rolled down and completely closed the cave’s entrance. They talked the situation over and concluded that there was no way out of this trouble except with prayers and supplications. ‘We had better seek the help of Allah referring to the best and most righteous deed that we have done in our lives.’

The first man said: ‘O Allah! I had two elderly parents and I never would offer my wife and children anything to eat or drink before I offered them. One day I had to go a long distance seeking food for my herd and I was late coming back. Upon arrival I found both of my parents asleep. I milked the sheep in order to offer my parents their dinner, but since I hated to wake them up for their drink, I remained standing next to them carrying the milk pot in my hand waiting for them to wake up. I did not offer my wife or children anything before I offered them. At the break of the Dawn, they woke up and by this time my children were at my feet crying for milk. When they woke up, I offered them their milk. O Allah! If you know that I have done that for Your sake, please rescue us from this trap.’

Upon that the rock was moved slightly away from the cave’s entrance, but not enough to let them out.

The second man said: ‘O Allah! I had a female cousin from my father’s side who was the most beloved woman to me on the face of the Earth. I had an intense desire for her, but she refused. At one point in time she came under financial stress due to famine. She came to me asking for help. I offered her a hundred and twenty golden Dinars so that she would let me have what I wanted from her. Under the duress of her pressing need and financial situation she agreed. When I was ready to begin relations with her, she said, ‘O Cousin! Fear Allah! And do not remove the seal of virginity except in the rightful manner.’ Upon hearing that, I got up and did not touch her, although she was the most beloved and desired woman to me. I did not take back the gold, which I gave her.

‘ Then he raised his hands to the heavens and said: ‘O Allah! If You know I have done, what I did, for Your cause and pleasure, please remove the trap that we are in. Remove the rock from the cave’s entrance so that we can get out!’

 Upon which, the rock moved another small distance but still not enough to enable them to escape.

The third man said: ‘O Allah! You know that I once employed some workers and at the end of the day I paid their wages except to the one who had left without collecting his pay. I invested his wages in my business and kept a special note and account for it. The money that belonged to this worker grew during the years, and after many years the worker came to me asking for the wage that he did not take on that day of his work. I pointed out to him large herds of sheep, cows, camels, and slaves and servants, and said to him: ‘All that you see is yours! That is the wage that I owe you!’ The poor worker was stunned and said: ‘Please do not ridicule and make fun of me! I am only asking for my one-day wage. The employer said: ‘I am neither ridiculing you nor making fun of you. This is all yours.’ The worker took all that I pointed out for him and left.’

Then the man raised his hands to heavens and said: ‘O Allah! If I have done what I did for Your cause and pleasure, remove the trap from which we are suffering.’

Upon that the rock rolled away from the cave’s entrance and the three men left the cave, free once again.”” [Bukhari #2152]

Islam teaches that seeking the pleasure of the parents, and being good, kind, helpful, considerate to them, respecting and caring for them throughout their life, is a major way to expiate and remove the burden of our sins in this world. Abd Allah Ibn Umar said:

“A man came to Allah’s Prophet and said: ‘O Prophet! I have committed a major sin. Do you think that I can atone for it?’ He asked: “Do you have a mother living?” The man answered in the negative. The Prophet asked the man: “Do you have a maternal aunt living?” The man answered in the positive. Allah’s Prophet said to him: “Be good and kind to her.” [Tirmidhi #1904 & Ibn Hibban #435 and verified]

This tradition indicates her right since the maternal aunt, in Islamic jurisprudence, has a similar status in some respects as of the mother, since the Prophet of Allah said:  “The sister of the mother has a status similar to the mother.” [Bukhari #2552]

These broad guidelines show the major rights of parents in general, and mothers in particular, and illustrate that mothers remain uniquely respected in Islamic teachings.

REFERENCE:

Book: “Women in Islam & Refutation of some common Misconceptions”
by Dr. Abdur Rahman bin Abdul Kareem Al- Sheha

Translated by: Abu Salman Deya ud-Deen Eberle.