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15. Biwi ki nafarmani ki haalat mein sharay’i ehkaamaat [The Islamic solution for the problem of the immoral wife]

Biwi ki nafarmani ki haalat mein sharay’i ehkaamaat

Agar koi kahen ke yeh behtar nahin ke aadmi apni nafarman biwi ko maarne ke bajaye usse nasihyat kare?

 

Hum kahen ge ke kyun nahin yehi to Allah azoojal ka hukum hai. Jisse usne apni kitaab mein zikar farmaya hai:

وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَ ه‍ُنَّ وَاه‍ْجُرُوه‍ُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوه‍ُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَکُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا   عَلَيْه‍ِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّه کَانَ عَلِيًّا کَبِيرًا (191).

 

 

Tarjuma: Aur jin aurton ki nafarmani aur baddimaghi ka tumhein khauf ho unhein nisihyat karo aur unhein alag bistiron par chor do aur unhein maar ki saza do phir agar woh taabada’ari karen to un par koi raasta talaash na karo, Beshak Allah Ta’ala bari bulandi aur barayi waala hai.

 

Aur Rasoolullah(ﷺ) ne Hajat-ul-wida KY moqe par farmaya tha: Suno! Aurton ke saath acha sulook-(o-bartao) karo. Kyunki tumhare paas be kas wa lachaar ban kar hain aur tum uske siwaa unki kisi cheez ke maalik nahin ho, Magar yeh ke woh koi khuli huwi badkaari kar bethen, Agar woh koi Qabeeh gunnah kar bethen to unke bistar alag kardo aur unhein maaro magar aisi maar na lagao ke unki ziyaadti ke raaste na dhoondho, Khabardaar hojao! Tumhare liye tumhari biwyon par haqooq hain, Aur tumhari biwyon ke tum par haqooq hain(192).

Is tarah hum dekhte hain ke kis tarah Allah azoojal ne jo apne hukum mein hakeem aur apne bandon ke mamlaat se bakhabar hai, Aur uske Rasool(ﷺ) ne nafarman biwi ke ilaaj ka tareeqa waazeh kiya hai, Aur usse batrej teen maraahal mein rakha hai.

➤  Pehla Marhala: Yeh hai ke shohar bistar alehda karne se pehle nafarman biwi ki eslaah ke liye wa-az-o-nisihyat ka tareeqa ikhtiyaar kare, Yeh tarteeb jamhoor fuqha ke nazdeek waajib hai, Chunancha shohar par waajib hai ke apni biwi ke saath naram guftugu kare, Uske dil ke qareeb ho, Aur usse aisi baaten kare jisse uska dil naram par jaye, Aur usse apne haan ehmiyat ka ehsaas dilaaye, Aur yeh ke woh bhalayi chahta hai aur uska khairkhawa hai, Usse chahiye ki biwi ki eslaah mein wa-az-o-nasihyat ki tamaam tar salahiton ko biroye kaar laaye.

Yaad rakhen ke nasihyat khushk dil, Aur khur dare andaz se nahin ki jati, Balke naram guftugu aur eila sulook se ki jati hai, Jaise biwi ke liye tohfa khareede, Taake biwi dil ki raza aur achi soch se shohar ki baat sune.

Aur zahir hai ke ek aqalmand aur husun ikhlaaq ki haamil biwi par bhi waajib hai ke apne saamne apne ghar aur bachon ka mustaqbil rakh kar apne shohar ki nasihyat qabool kare.

Taahum agar biwi jhagralu aur bad fitrat ho, Usse waz-o-nasihyat faida na de rahe hon, Aur shohar apni tamaam tar to anaaiyaan sarf kar chuka ho to shohar tarteeb ke lihaaz se doosre marhale mein muntaqil hoga, Jaisa ke humein Allah azoojal ne uska hukum diya hai.

➤ Doosraa marhalaa: Yeh hai ke shohar bistar mein qat-e-talaqi ka raasta ikhtiyaar kare, Jaise uski taraf peeth kar de, Lekin ziyada se ziyada teen din tak uske saath azdawaaji taluq qaaim na kare, Isliye ke Rasoolullah(ﷺ) ka farman hai: Kisi musalmaan ke liye apne bhai musalmaan ko teen raaton se ziyada chor dena halal nahin(193).

Taake biwi ko ehsaas hojaye ke uska shohar uske tarz-e-amal se naraz hai, Yeh hal goya biwi ke liye doosraa moqa hota hai, Taake woh is muddat ke doran khud ke mamlaat par ghor-o-fikar kare, Isliye ke agar uske shohar ne usse ziyada berukhi ikhtiyaar kiye rakhi to usse biwi ko takleef hogi,      Aur shohar uski eslaah nahin kar payega, Agar woh khud par ghor karke eslaah kar leti hai, To shohar par waajib hai ke usse berukhi khatam karde, Usse maaf karde, Aur darguzar kare, Aur agar biwi sarkashi, Nafarmani aur takkabur mein mazeed barh jati hai, Aur shohar ka qataa taluq usse koi faida na de raha ho to woh teesre marhale ki taraf muntaqil hoga.

➤ Teesra marhalaa: Agar shohar apni nafarman biwi ki waz-o-nasihyat, Achi tarah samjhaye, Aur tohfe tahaaif de kar eslaah ki koshish kar chuka ho, Aur koi faida na huwa ho to us waqt shohar ko ijazat hai ke apni biwi ko badtareen aur nishanaat chorne waali maar maarne ke bajaye halki maar maare taake usse adab sikha sake.

Jamhooria-e-ilma ka jamaa hai ke nafarman biwi ki eslaah mein tarteeb par chalna wajib hai, Aur woh yeh hai ke pehle waz-o-nasihyat kare phir bistar mein qataa taluqi kare phir maare. Ataaرحمه الله kehte hain ke maine Ibn-e-Abbasرضي الله عنه se poocha ke: “Badtareen maar na maarne se kiya muraad hai?” To unhon ne kahan: “Muswaak waghaira se maarna”.

❁ Hassan Basra رحمه الله kehte hain ke: “Usse muraad yeh hai ke maar ghair mosar ho”.

Hum apne muaziz qaari se poochte hain ke bhala muswaak se maarne se bhi dard hota hai?Muswaak ek choti si lakri hoti hai, Jiski lambayi aur  choraayi pencil se ziyada nahin hoti, Kya yeh durust hai ke muswaak se maarne ko khandaani tashadud kahan ja sake?

Agar aap shohar ka biwi ko muswaak se maarne ko gharelu tashadud khayaal karte hain to aaiye hum dekhte hain ke hollywood mein kitni maghribi filmein tayaar hoti hain, Jo hamaare liye ek ghazabnaak aadmi ki doosre se aur ek aadmi ki ek aurat se aur manager ki apne maatahat kaam karne waalon se guftugu ki manzarkashi pesh karti hain, Hum dekhte hain ke kis tarah ek shakhs doran-e-guftugu doosre shakhs ke seene par apni ungli rakhta hai, Taake usse daraaye aur kabhi apni ungli ya haath mein pakri pen se uske seene ko khatkhatata hai, Aur aksar oqaat yeh shakhs doosre ko thapar marta hai, Unki aksar filmon mein ek biwi apni shohar se baat karte huwe is qadar ghusse mein aati hai ke apne shohar ke chehre par zor se maarti hai, Ya phir shohar ko guftugu ke doraan itna ghussa ataa hai ke woh zor se apni biwi ke chehre par thapar maar kar wahaan se chala jata hai, Un sab baaton ko maghrib gharelu tashadud khayaal nahin karta, Balke unke nazdeek yeh jazbat hain, Jin ki ro mein beh kar  shohar ya biwi ne doosre ko thapar maraa hota hai, Balke aise shohar ya biwi ko woh log taraqi yaafta samajhte hain.

Yaad rakhen ke Islam mein chehre par maarna Haram hai, Magar woh log Islam par E’itraaz karte hain ke Islam tashadud pasand Deen hai, Agarcha Islam ne mard ko ijazat di hai ke agar woh pehle aur doosre marhale mein apni salaheeten sarf kar chuka ho to teesre marhale mein muntaqil ho sakta hai, Magar Islam ne aurat ko bhi haq diya hai ke is marhale tak pohnchne se pehle pehle apne shohar se talaaq ka mutaalba kare, Jis ka naam khula hai, Agar woh khula ko sulaah par foqiyat deti hai to is soorat mein jo uske saath mamlaat honge usse hum baad mein bayan karenge.

Maloom hona chahiye ke nasihyat, Phir qata taluq, Phir maarna yeh marahil azwaaji zindagi ke roz mara ke hal ke liye nahin hain balke un dono ke darmiyaan bare bare mamlaat ke hal ke liye hain misaal ke tor par agar shohar biwi se kahen ke aaj humare liye machli chaawal banao aur aurat murghi chaawal bana de to kya to us par saabiqa aayat laago ki jayegi ke shohar pehle nasihyat kare phir qata talaqi kare aur phir usse maare?

Zaahir hai ke aisa nahin hai, Kyunki yeh mamooli mamlaat hain jo laazmi hai ke daant dipat ke baghair hi hal hojayein, Lekin agar aurat badkhalaq ho, Khudsar ho, Aur shohar mein ikhlaaqi awaargi, Zawaal, Fajoor ya nafarmani aur takkabur dekhe, To yahan hamare saamne ek nafarman aurat hai, Jiski eslaah-o-tarbiyat aur uski pareshaniyon ke ilaaj ki zaroorat hai, Jis tarah ek beemaar ko ilaaj ki zaroorat hoti hai.

Zara tasawur karen ke aurat ka aise kaam par musalsal israar jo uske ghar ko dha sakte hain, Aur usse talaaq tak pohncha sakte hain, Aur shohar uske saath waaz-o-nasihyat aur bistar qata taluq mein kaafi waqt laga kar apni tamaam tar salaheeten sarf kar chuka hai, Aur aurat par uska koi asar nahin, To ziyada behtar kya hai talaaq ya ghair jaar hanaa maar?

Agar maarna kaana pan hai to talaaq dena andha pan hai, Aur kaana pan behrhaal andhe pan se behtar hai, Aur agar aisi aurat ko apne haal par chor diya jaye to aisi aurat khandaan aur balaakhir poore maashre ko khatam kar degi.

REFERENCE:
Book: “Islam mein Aurat ka Maqaam”
by Dr. Abdur Rahman bin Abdul Kareem Al- Sheha

The Islamic solution for the problem of the immoral wife

 

One may ask:

Isn’t it better for the man to admonish his wife, instead of beating her?

Of course! And verily, this is the Judgment of Allah, the All- Wise, Who said in His Book:

“As to those women on whose part you fear disobeying with arrogance, ill-conduct and rebellion, admonish them (first), (then if they persist), forsake them in bed (i.e. turn them your back), and (last) beat them (lightly, as a last solution if you have to, and nothing from the previous two steps has any result); but if they obey you, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.” (4:34)

The Messenger of Allah also said in his farewell pilgrimage: ‘Treat your wives in the best manner, they are (weak and need careness) like captives in your hands; you have no right to treat them otherwise, unless they are guilty of open indecency, and if they do so, then turn your back at them in bed, and beat them lightly, imperceptibly, but if they obey you, then do not wrong them in any way. Verily, you have rights over your wives and they have their rights over you.’ (At-Tirmidhi & Al-Albani reported it as Hasan)

So, as we have seen, Allah, the All-Wise, the All-Knowing concerning the issues of His slaves, decreed the solution to the problem of an immoral wife to be in three stages, in the following way:

The first stage: admonition and guidance:

It is obligatory upon a man to follow the path of admonition and guidance to solve the problem with his wife if he saw signs of immorality in her behaviour, before he follows the path of turning his back at her in bed. This sequence is obligatory according to most scholars. Thus, the man should try to touch his wife’s heart with nice words by which he will gain and soften her heart, making her feel how important she is in his heart and that he admonishes her just because he wishes the good for her and the whole family.

Namely, the man should do everything he can, trying to admonish his wife in order to correct her behaviour. And we should take into account that admonition does not come from a cold heart or with a cruel manner, but verily, admonition means kindness in conversation in an effort to touch the heart of the person you admonish, and kindness in behaviour, for example a man giving a present to his wife, so that she accepts his words with a pleased heart and an open mind. It is also obligatory upon the intelligent wives, who are generally moral, to receive admonition from their husband’s words, taking into consideration the future of their home and children. If, though, the woman is immoral and stubborn and neither admonition nor guidance seems to be effective, then the husband can resort to the second measure, as Allah ordered us.

The second stage: turning the back in bed:

As we have already explained, if the admonition has no result and the woman does not accept admonition or guidance, then it is allowed to her husband to turn his back to her in bed, refusing to have sexual intercourse with her for three days maximum, since if he continues for more than three days, he is emotionally abusing, not correcting her. The Prophet said:

‘It is not lawful for a Muslim to desert (stop talking to) his brother beyond three nights, the one turning one way and the other turning to the other way when they meet, the better of the two is one who is the first to greet the other.” (Bukhari)

The purpose of turning his back at his wife is for her to feel that her husband is really sad due to her behaviour. This solution also functions as a second chance for the wife so she can think the subject through in all its aspects.

But if the wife thought it over and decided to abandon her immoral behaviour and return to good manners, then it is obligatory for the husband to stop turning his back, forgive her and treat her nicely. But if she insists on her obstinacy and arrogance, not caring about guidance, and her husband finds no other solution, then he is allowed to take this final measure.

The third stage: the imperceptible beating with a Siwak:

 If a man tried and strived to correct the immoral behaviour of his wife through admonition, nice words and presents, but none of these had any effect on his wife, and then he tried turning his back in bed, and this again had no effect, then it is allowed for the husband to beat her imperceptibly using the Siwak.

‘Ataa’ said: ‘I asked Ibn ‘Abas what an imperceptible beating is like. He said: ‘With Siwak and anything similar to it.’ Furthermore, Al-Hasan Al-Basri said: ‘To be imperceptible.’

By Allah, what pain can the Siwak cause, dear reader?! And can you call beating one’s wife with As-Siwak domestic violence?! Here is a photo of Siwak (its size is that of a pencil), so as for the meaning of the word beating in Islam to be understood.

If, dear reader, you consider beating one’s wife imperceptibly with the Siwak domestic violence, come see how many Hollywood movies depict quarrels between men, or between a man and a woman, or between an employer and employees, in which quarrels one put his index finger on the chest of the other, threatening him or even beating him on the chest with his finger or with a pencil which he holds in his hand. And in many other cases a man slaps another. Furthermore, in many movies the wife reaches during her conversation with her husband the point of slapping him harshly on the face, or the conversation leads the man to slap his wife on the face and then he leaves the place. And Westerners do not consider any of those incidences domestic violence, they think instead that intense emotions led the man to beat his wife or vice versa. They still think that the husband and wife are civilized people. And here we should take into account that even slapping someone’s face is forbidden in Islam. But they attack Islam and falsely accuse it of encouraging violence. Please note that the stages of admonition, turning a husband’s back at his wife, and finally beating her are not a solution for everyday marital problems, but they apply only to the problem of immoral and arrogant behaviour of the wife.

For example, if a man tells his wife to cook rice and fish for him, but she forgets and cooks rice and chicken instead, then may we say that the three stages mentioned above, namely admonition, turning his back and light beating should be applied in this case?!!!

Of course not! These are small things which should pass peacefully, without even admonition. But if the wife is an immoral, stubborn woman and her husband starts noticing symptoms of immorality, disobedience and arrogance, which are very serious issues, then we are before a woman who needs correction in behaviour and guidance and a solution to this problem has to be found. Imagine, dear reader, this woman insisting on her obstinacy, arrogance and immoral behaviour that, in the end, will surely result in the destruction of her home and lead to divorce, while her husband did everything he could for a long time using the stage of admonition and guidance and that of turning his back, but she responded to none of it. Which is better and lesser harming in this case, divorce or light beating?!!

 If to beat her is the one-eyed and divorce the blind, then the one-eyed is better than the blind! And verily, leaving a wife in such a behaviour would surely lead to the destruction of the whole family and certainly, as a consequence, to the destruction of the whole society.

 

REFERENCE:

Book: “Women in Islam & Refutation of some common Misconceptions”
by Dr. Abdur Rahman bin Abdul Kareem Al- Sheha
Translated by: Abu Salman Deya ud-Deen Eberle.

 

 

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