The Treatment of Wives in Light of the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah

 

In light of the Verses of the Qur’an we see that Allah, the Exalted, ordered excellent treatment of the wife, generosity towards her, and the best cohabitation with her, even if there is not love from the heart. Allah, the All-Wise, said:

“And live with them in the best way. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” (4:19)

The Prophet said:

 “A believer man must not hate (his wife) believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another.” (Muslim)

Also, Allah clarifies that the woman has rights towards her husband, just as the husband has rights towards her. Allah, the Exalted, says:

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands), similar (to those of their husbands) over them, to what is reasonable.” (2:228)

And the Prophet’s last will before he died was that men should take care of their wives and honour them, and never treat them unfairly or violate their rights. The Prophet said: “Treat the women in the best way.” (Muslim)

And the Prophet ordered men to behave well to their wives and be generous with them. He also clarified that the best of men is the one who treats his wife best. The Prophet said:

“The most complete in faith is the best in character. And the best of you is the one who is best to his wife.” (At- Tirmidhi & Sahih Al-Gami’ No. 1230)

The Prophet also said:

 “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Ibn Hiban & Sahih Al-Gami No. 3314)

Also, the Prophet ordered his Companions to tolerate the mistakes of their women, clarifying the nature of the woman, in which Allah created her. The Prophet said:

 “Treat the women in the best way. Verily, the woman was created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so treat the women in the best way.” (Al-Bukhari)

The Messenger of Allah also said:

“Verily, woman was created from a rib. It shall not be straightened to you in anyway (i.e. she shall not behave exactly as you wish her to). Thus, if you enjoy her, you will enjoy her bent. And if you tried to straighten her, you would break her. And to break her means a divorce.” (Muslim)

The Verses of the Holy Quran and Ahadith showing that the man should treat his wife in the best way are innumerable, and whoever wants to refer to them, he might as well do so.

 

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Power of Guardianship in the Marriage Contract

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In Islamic jurisprudence one requirement for a sound marriage is the total agreement of the woman concerned.

The Prophet of Allah said:

“An ‘ayyim’ (a divorcee or a widow) must not be wedded unless she is asked, and gives her approval. And a virgin must not be wedded unless she gives her permission.” It was asked: “O messenger of Allah, how can we know her permission?” He said: “If she remains silent (from shyness).” [ Bukhari #4843 & Muslim #1419]

If a woman is coerced into accepting an undesired marriage, she is entitled to present her case before a Muslim judge to seek annulment. A woman by the name of al-Khansa bint Khadam, who had been previously married (and was now divorced or widowed), came complaining to the Messenger of Allah that her father had forced her to marry a person she despised. He disapproved and invalidated it.⁵ (⁵ Reported by Bukhari #6546.)

Another requirement is that she does not give herself in marriage to anyone without guardianship. Her father, or in case he is not alive, her grandfather, paternal uncle, brother or even her mature son, or the ruler of the State, must act as her guardian in this affair to assure her rights are protected and to sign the marriage contract along with her signature. His role is to make sure that the groom is sincere and of standard, that she has a proper dowry, and that two witnesses testify to the contract which she willfully accepts. All these measures are to protect her rights and the sanctity of marriage.

The Messenger of Allah made this perfectly clear when he said:

“There is no marriage except with a guardian.” [Abu Dawood #2058 and verified]

And in another version:

“There is no marriage except with a guardian, and the ruler is the guardian for those who have no guardian.” [Ahmad #2260 & Ibn Maajah #1889 and verified]

Therefore, if she elopes and marries herself, this marriage is considered unlawful, as the Prophet declared:

 “Any woman who marries without the consent of her guardian, then her marriage is invalid, then her marriage is invalid, then her marriage is invalid. If (the man) has had intercourse with her then she must keep the dowry (that she took from him) for his intimacy with her, and if they fall into dispute then the ruler is the guardian for those who have no guardian.” [ Abu Dawood #2083 & Tirmidhi #1102 and verified]

As mentioned above in the rights of daughters, whether a virgin or otherwise, the right of a woman is to accept or reject any marriage offer of her own free will. The institution of guardianship is only to protect her interests. The fact that the ruler or governor becomes her legal guardian to assure that all is in order and that no criminal injustice is perpetrated reinforces the sacredness of the marriage contract and the sanctity of her rights in Islam.

Since the woman remains in a position of natural weakness, Islamic jurisprudence lays down principles and laws to protect her interests and welfare and preserve her rights. The father, the mother and other concerned relatives, if need be, help select the right and most suitable husband for her, since all seek her happiness and none wish her to be victim of a failed marriage. The goal of marriage is to establish an everlasting relationship between a male and a female and a loving and beneficial home for the children, not mere gratification of certain desires. Since women are, in general, more emotional than men and more easily affected and tempted with appearances rather than the deeper realities, Islamic jurisprudence gives the right to the guardian to refuse and reject proposals if the suitor is not deemed a sound and sincere match. Male guardianship in this case is only natural given their role of authority and responsibility. Moreover, it cannot be denied that men, being of the same gender, have a better ability to perceive qualities of other men in certain areas, and are more capable of finding those characteristics of a man that suit his daughter or the woman under his responsibility of guardianship. Of course he seeks counsel of the wife and other concerned females in the process of selection of the bridegroom. If an appropriate man proposed for marriage and the guardian refused for no valid reason, then the guardianship can be contested in the court of law. The guardianship is then given to the nearest responsible male relative of the woman, or, in case she has no responsible male relatives, the Muslim Judge assumes guardianship. In the final analysis, the true measurement of a suitable match in marriage is the statement of the Prophet of Allah:

“If a person comes to you to propose a marriage and you are pleased with his religious commitment and morals, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him. For if you do not do that there will be Fitnah (great affliction) on earth, and corruption will be widespread.” [ Tirmidhi #1085 and verified]

A man with a sound and good understanding of his Islamic commitment, with good moral standards will honor his wife and dignify her, and treat her justly with decency even if he does not love her.

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Financial and Moral Responsibilities of the Household

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Allah, the Exalted, stated in the Glorious Qur’an:

“Men are protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend to support them from their means.” [4:34]

This verse emphasizes that the financial and moral responsibilities of a household is the husband’s responsibility. The natural, physical and social qualities of men demand that they take charge of these responsibilities since they are of the stronger gender and physically fit to work being free from the burden of menses, pregnancy, nursing and early childrearing. The man is the “guardian” of his own household – a shepherd of his flock in the idiom mentioned earlier and he will be asked and accounted about all his responsibilities. Women by their natural constituency are the weaker sex, built biologically, emotionally and socially for their role as child bearer and homemaker. They are more endowed with intuition and emotional intelligence. This is their natural feminine role that is fully honored and protected. Due to the pains and burdens of menses, pregnancy, delivery, nursing, and continual child-care, women often require various periods of confinement for rest, and they are not required to take on additional financial and vocational responsibilities for the sustenance and maintenance of the household. All these concerns affect the mental state of a woman and will be reflected in her life, attitude and behavior. This is a natural state prescribed in many civilizations, but often with many injustices, as mentioned earlier.

‘Abbas Mahmoud al-‘Akkad, the well-known Egyptian writer, notes:

“Women have a very special emotional make-up that does not resemble the emotional make-up of man. The companionship of a little infant or child requires a lot of similarity and resemblance between the child’s mentality and his companion, the mother. She has to understand what he wants, what he needs and how he thinks and feels. Therefore, to fulfill this requirement, a woman is much more responsive to emotions. This makes it difficult for a woman, when compared with man, to be firm, fierce and determined when needed.”

 Dr. Alex Liberelle, a Nobel Prize winner, says while illustrating the natural organic differences between man and woman:

“Matters that differentiate between man and woman are not limited to sexual organs, the presence of the womb and pregnancy. These matters are also not limited to the difference of teaching methods of man and woman. In fact, these differences are of basic nature. The tissues of the body in both male and female are different. The chemistry of the bodies is also different in both. Certain glands excrete certain secretions that are only suitable for a specific gender. The woman is completely different from man in terms of the chemical material secreted from the ovary inside the woman’s body.”

Those who call for complete equality between men and women disregard basic facts and essential differences. Advocates of women’s equal rights demand the same type of education to be given to both male and female, and same type of jobs, tasks, responsibilities, positions to be offered, etc. This absurdity neglects woman’s nature and essential physical, mental, emotional, and social traits. Every cell of the body of a woman has a feminine quality, nursed by female hormones, just as a man has his distinct qualities and hormones. Are they blind when they wish to be equal? They don’t see that each organ of every man and woman are unique in and of themselves, and different from each other. The male and female central nervous systems function in exact precision to help their respective roles in human life. We must accept natural laws and movements as they are, without attempting to change them to seek unnatural obstruction or interference with them. For their own benefit, both men and women should build upon their natural talents and gifts, and never deviate into imitating those of the other sex, which only leads to abuse of themselves and others. Another factor is that it is a well-established fact that the bone structure and muscles of men are naturally heavier and more powerful than those of women. Men can perform more laborious and manual jobs, while women are not physically able to show comparable physical endurance. This is another proof that men are naturally equipped and qualified to assume the role of leadership over financial and vocational responsibilities of the household in consultation with their best second-halves (their wives), which is also a general rule in Islam, as mentioned previously.

 

REFERENCE:

Book: “Women in Islam & Refutation of some common Misconceptions”
by Dr. Abdur Rahman bin Abdul Kareem Al- Sheha

Translated by: Abu Salman Deya ud-Deen Eberle.